READ: 1 Peter 3:1-7 English Standard Version (ESV) LISTEN: https://www.biblegateway.com/audio/mclean/esv/1Pet.3.1-1Pet.3.7 Wives and Husbands 1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Well, let's just jump right into this one. Remember there are no chapter breaks in the original and the word "Likewise" at the beginning of chapter 3 should tie this teaching back to everything that was just said at the end of chapter 2 (and possible before). So, we're talking here about something to do with submission to every governing authority here. Our society doesn't like to think or talk this way, but God did set up an order in marriage and it is the man who represents His role and the woman represents the role of God's covenant people. There should be nothing demeaning or dishonoring about this--the woman is so precious and special to the man that she was chosen from among the multitude to be his and for him to provide for and protect and for the two to become one. These responsibilities that the man has means that he must have the authority to make choices that are in the best interest of his wife and be responsible to God for the choices and leadership and even responsible for when he abdicates responsibility. For example, see that God talks to Adam first and judges him first during the Fall because it was Adam's responsibility to teach God's law to Eve and to watch over her and protect her. The text is clear that Adam was right there while Eve was talking to the serpent and he said and did nothing and then tried to shift the blame but God saw through this and held Adam responsible for his inaction, not just his actions.
Back to today's text--everything about Christians is supposed to be different and all of our relationships should reflect this including and especially our sexual and marital relationships. Those shouldn't be concepts that need to be separated since sex was created to be inside the bounds of marriage, but in today's culture it probably is best to explicitly say that. Wives have a very powerful role in the marriage that they can hold great sway over their husbands. Peter here addresses an issue also addressed by Paul in I Corinthians that there were many times that the wife came to Christ first and they didn't know whether to stay married to a non-believing husband and whether they were still to continue to be under the husband's authority if the husband was not putting himself under God's authority. The answer to both questions is "yes." God can use the faith and obedience and unchanging love of the wife honoring the covenant to bring the husband to Christ. Peter reminds them however that their actions and words must work in concert. Even in such difficult situations the husband is going to understand honor and respect and love that is lived out as well as a moral purity from his wife, not only in being faithful to the marriage, but also in being true to her faith so that her conversion is clearly genuine and he can see the benefit and blessing that comes from being obedient to God's law and living in submission to it. Okay, now comes the hard pill to swallow. Peter goes on to say that it's not all about just staying in the marriage for the sake of the covenant, but acting like you want to. Even if the husband had become distant because there is a lack of connection between him and his wife since she is a believer and he is not, is that any excuse for the woman to look for fulfillment and attention from other men? This is the old, "God would want me to be happy" lie that so many men and women use as an excuse to do things that they know are at least dangerous if not outright wrong. There is no reason to be flirtatious if you're in a marriage unless you are trying to get someone to commit adultery with you. TO guys--there's no reason for you to be out all night drinking alone at the hotel bar if you aren't trying to get a girl to notice that you're lonely and sending off signal that you want "companionship." Stop it! That just makes you and God look bad. It's just like how God says in the Old Testament that He should have been all that His covenant people ever needed. He was a good husband to them (He calls Himself that) and they whored themselves out to idols and those who followed those false Gods--just read the book of Hosea if you doubt what I'm saying. God cares way too much about the beauty that is on the inside and most good husbands should too, even if they don't remember to say so. If you are ever feeling devalued and unappreciated or unloved by either your husband or wife, remember that God is all you ever need and He loves you not only for who you are, but who He sees you can be. He loves you with an everlasting, unchanging love, and He loves you not because of what He can get from you but because of what He could give to you...the greatest gift ever by giving the Son so that He could have a convenient people until Himself that could be called His sons and daughters. This last set of verses is one that people really hate to hear and preach today, but it goes back to something I was saying earlier about the husband being given not only authority but responsibly when it comes to issues for marriage and family. Men and women usually think differently and process things differently and while it's okay and good for both of them to work together as a team, ultimately the husband needs to always have the authority to make the decisions and say "This one's on me...whatever happens, I take responsibility for it," and the wife should see that as an act of love and support her husband and his decisions to the best of her ability. When doing so, the man should not be cruel or overbearing. His wife is not a slave or property. We are both part of the Bride of Christ, and we should treat our wives in the same way that we would want God to treat us in His covenant relationship with us that could easily be pictured as a marriage (and often is in the Bible). This is why God has so much to say about marriage, because the way we conduct ourselves in marriage causes people to draw a lot of conclusions about what eternal, unconditional love looks like and if such a covenant is even possible. If we fail to keep our vows to each other and choose to make a love a feeling rather than a commitment and a choice, then verses like John 3:16 lose their meaning because the world will no longer understand what it means to say that "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him would not perish, but have eternal life." We should rightly ask, "What kind of love is this?" But if we only love each other in the same way that the world loves each other and do not love each other with the love of God, then what benefit does the world see in coming to Christ. Don't we still look like caterpillars instead of butterflies to them? Let them see the beauty of the new creations that we are by living out lives of holiness and obedience in an way that even those who we feel don't deserve and haven't earned our respect are shown it because of the respect that we have for a God who allows them to be in that position and let us love with the kind of love that we want to be loved with and let us save our intimacy and greatest expression of love--given of ourselves--for the one in which we are in a covenant relationship with.
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Daniel WestfallI will mostly use this space for recording my "journal" from my daily devotions as I hope to encourage others to read the Bible along with me and to leave a legacy for others. Archives
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