Matthew 19:1-12--Marriage and Divorce

Matthew 19:1-12 English Standard Version (ESV)
LISTEN:  https://www.biblegateway.com/audio/mclean/esv/Matt.19.1-Matt.19.12
Teaching About Divorce
19:1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

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Don't miss what's going on in verse 1.  Jesus has been in Galilee and the Decapolis staying away from Judea (and especially Jerusalem) until His time had come.  That time was almost upon them.  Even though He heads into the southern kingdom, He stays on the other side of the Jordan River in the same area where John the Baptist used to minister.  Word got out that Jesus was back in town and both the crowds and the Pharisees returned to investigate what was going on.  The crowds were interested in the healings and miracles and the Pharisees were interested in trapping Jesus and gathering information to use against Him in some way.

With the large crowds around Him, the Pharisees decided to ask Jesus a tricky question to see how He would respond and if they could get the people to turn against Him.  In that time, the Jews essentially had a "no-fault divorce" policy where the husband could for any reason request to divorce his wife.  There is some evidence that certificates of divorce were issued for reasons like "She burnt the toast."  This is the context of the Pharisee's question when they ask if it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason.

Jesus refuses to debate the letter of the law with them at first and goes to God's original intent.  All of the Jews understood that Adam and Eve were the first married couple and that God instituted marriage all the way back in the Garden of Eden before sin entered the world and it therefore was something that was originally perfect and not corrupted by sin and was meant to be eternal until sin broke Adam and Eve's relationship with God and with each other.  Jesus goes to the very definition of marriage given by Adam when he sees Eve for the first time, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  Jesus also takes the opportunity here to note that God's perfect design was for one man to be married to one woman.  Then comes Jesus' conclusion, which is quoted in most Christian wedding ceremonies:  "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."  We may not fully understand why this is so important to God until we get to the book of 1 Corinthians.  Paul will have a lot to say about this in his epistles and we'll save most of that discussion for that time.

The Pharisees see they have not tricked Jesus at all and try a different approach by invoking the name of Moses directly and make it sound as if Moses gave them a commandment from God.  Jesus is quick to take them on here and answer their question, but they are sure to not like the answer.  Jesus said it was because of the people's hardness of their hearts that God permitted Moses to allow divorce, but it was never God's original plan and then just like the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus restores the original intent of the law and possibly even raises the bar because He makes it about something greater than laws and loopholes.  He said the only permissible reason for divorce in God's eyes is sexual immorality and that anyone who divorces his wife for any other reason and then marries another woman commits adultery.  This passage is written specifically about the man's responsibility because that's how the question was framed and Jesus was talking to a group of males.  God will give additional instructions to the Church later through the apostle Paul, but suffice it to say that God's original intent was one man and one woman married for their natural lives.  Divorce should not be a consideration if both of them are living lives in obedience to God.

​Before I get into the next section, I'm going to give a warning that it may not be age-appropriate if you're younger or have younger children around or even in some work environments.  I'm not going to be graphic, but I'm going to be very direct and not try to use euphemistic words like "eunuch" and I'm going to spell out what that means since it's not a word we use very often.  If you're around young ones that shouldn't see such things yet or in an environment where it might not be suitable to be reading such things, consider yourself warned.

With that said, Jesus' disciples jump to the conclusion that it's just better to not get married if they are going to have to play by such a strict set of rules.  They have been so conditioned by their culture to think that the man can divorce his wife for any reason he wants that it's unimaginable to them that someone could make things work where one man was married to one woman for life and that this was God's original plan and that all deviation from this (with the exception of divorce for marital unfaithfulness) was sin.

Jesus then corrects their thinking and essentially says to them that they can't accept His words because their hearts are hard (though He's not quite as direct with them as He was with the Pharisees).  Jesus only gives three scenarios in which a man should consider not marrying.  First would be a man who is unable to have sex because of a physical condition since birth.  Since of of the main reasons for marriage is to enjoy the intimacy of sex and to be able to have children, those who can't have sexual relations might want to consider not being married and God's okay with that.

Next is a similar situation for those who have been castrated by men and are unable to have sex.  I would include those who are chemically castrated today if that's going to be a punishment that has been imposed on someone for the rest of their lives and the person is not yet married.  All the same reasons apply here.

Last would be the group of people that are called into service to the Lord where they either need to be unmarried to not have the commitments and considerations of marriage and family or they know it would be unsafe to take a family into the field with them--you can do a lot of things as a missionary when you're only putting yourself at risk that you wouldn't and couldn't do if you were also putting your wife and children at risk.  I do think this passage is misused in some circumstances to make it sound as if certain people are disqualified from service because they are married.  Sometimes a husband and wife team who both know and can accept the risks and responsibilities may be better, especially in a culture where a married women would not be allied to talk to an unmarried man.

We need to be understanding in the Church that all these groups exist and not try to force people to get married or shaming people who aren't married while at the same time making sure that we're clear that marriage is God's plan for most healthy Christians.  We also need to not try to add additional exceptions where there are none.  It is imperative that we get it right before we enter into a marriage covenant because God does not believe in escape clauses here.  If He did, we'd all be in trouble because God would have wanted a divorce from us a long time ago.

We are to show the world what God's unconditional love looks like through our marriages and we are to take our responsibilities to our families seriously and not shirk our responsibilities as husbands or fathers.  We must individually and as a Church hold steadfast to the teachings of Go's Word on marriage and family and not swerve to the right or the left.

One final thought.  If you have been divorced, God still loves you and there's still a place for you in God's family.  However, like all other sin, divorce requires you to say the same thing about your sin that God says and repent.  It may not be possible to go back and fix things, but if you're in a place where restoration is possible, that would be the best scenario.  If you're engaged in sexual sin of any kind--stop it!  If you feel like you are trapped and in bondage to this sin (it's a very strong bond that was only meant for marriage), there are groups that can help you, but start with your resources at your local church because you are going to need a group of people who can be active in your life on a daily basis.  Sexual sin is especially destructive not just to you but to everyone else around that gets caught in its wake and it destroys the unsaved person's ability to understand what God's love is really like.

I have much more I want to say on this, but I'll save it for another time with other passages that speak more clearly on those issues.